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Within my limited experience, you only want to put the Start button and task
bar and such on your primary monitor -- not on one of the secondaries because
XP will never be happy with it.  Any disturbance in the system and XP reverts
it back to the primary as you've found.

Right click on empty space on your desk top, then select properties and
Settings.  You've no doubt been here before to adjust your display
properties.  Anyhow, the #1 monitor on that page is your primary.  Let your
mouse hover over the #1 and you'll see a help pop up that even says "primary
monitor".

IMHO, it's not worth arguing with XP about this.  When I've been obsessed in
the past to move the Start button and task bar to another monitor, I've just
swapped the cables around at the computer to make the desired monitor run
from the primary adaptor and all is well.  I don't know what to tell you if
you're trying to move it around continually.

Good luck.

Bill -- (Remove KILLSPAM from my address to use it)